When animals attack...

Trolling the Net awhile back I came across an awesome site I wish I had discovered years ago. It answers all of the burning questions. Absent any "what is the meaning of life"-type quandaries, this website is left to explore really important questions, to wit:

"What if a Siberian Tiger and a Gorilla got in a fight... who would win?"
"What if a Polar Bear and a Kodiak Bear got in a fight... who would win?"
"What if a Mountain Lion and Geraldo's mustache got in a fight... who would win?"

I know, if you're a guy you've lost sleep on some of these very questions; hours you could have been watching re-runs of Small Wonder on TVLand but instead were left to the machinations of a mind occupied by unlikely animal brawls. Well, Wild Animal Fight Club attempts to end these sleepless nights. Here are a few highlights:

Gorilla vs. Tiger
"If a Silverback Gorilla were to ever be pitted against a Siberian Tiger, both animals would be cautious in making the first move. The Gorilla would try to stand as large as possible, pound its chest, and yell as loud as it could in order to try and scare off the Tiger. This plan would backfire and insight the cautious tiger into attacking. The huge cat would pounce straight for the Ape's throat. With the Gorilla caught off guard the Tiger is able to avoid the Gorilla's powerful arms and get inside. The Gorilla ferociously tries to bite at the Tiger, but its too late. The Tiger sticks its four inch canine teeth through the neck of the Gorilla and the fight is over."

One could mull over a pithier question: how could a Tiger from Siberia fight a Gorilla from Africa? Perhaps the two meet due to a freak gorilla-cage & tiger-enclosure malfunction at the San Diego Zoo. Or they are unknowingly dating the same Gazelle and she gets her days confused, fatally inviting them both over for movie-night.

Also, I love how the author predicts the Gorilla's "plan would backfire", as if the Gorilla had thought about the possibility it might one day have to fight a tiger and formulated a defense plan. Seriously, I've been to Hogle Zoo enough to know Gorilla's basically sit around and pick at their butts all day. I doubt their colons contain any "Operation Siberian Tiger" contingencies.


Lion vs. Tiger
"First of all for this fight we will use the Bengal Tiger, instead of the much larger Siberian Tiger, so we can give the poor Lion a chance. The fact is that the Lion still would have no shot. The Tiger is just a far superior animal. It is stronger and faster. It hunts bigger prey and doesn't need the help of something called a pride. Pride? The Lion should be ashamed."

The author doesn't know the difference between incite and insight, but he can differentiate prey from pray.

And conspicuously absent: A Shark riding on an Elephant's back.

Brookers wakes up to say to me this morning...

"Daddy... why did Nonny and Poppa have to stay in San Diego? I wanta go ta see Nonny and Poppa wight now. I pwomise I will be weally good dis time."

We drove to San Diego this last weekend to spend time with the Gpa's. Friday night we stayed in a nasty downtown hotel:

Saturday we upgraded to the Navy Lodge on Coronado Island:

Okay, so none of the above pics is actually ours. We forgot our cameras. Oh well. It was still fun to dink around Balboa Park, driving around in circles for hours fighting with Californians for parking spots while Brooklyn yelled at Poppa: "Dere is one wight dere, Poppa! Jus' pahk the cahr wight dere!"

Brittiny was teaching her 3 year-olds at church today...

and mentioned that "Heavenly Father can see us, He knows all."
Brooklyn said: "How's that, Mommy?"
"He lives in heaven and watches us from heaven."
"You mean, with his binoculars?"

Brooklyn proudly displaying her cupcakes. She took these around the neighborhood and gave them to her friends. Well, those that her dad didn't scarf.

These are the ladybug cookies that Brittiny made for Brookers' tea party. The large bug heads are actually milk duds.

Brooklyn enjoying dusk on the beach at Coronado's North Island, San Diego. Little turd refused to open her eyes for any pictures. 50 shots of her with closed eyes.

"Daddy, I have sand in my shoes. Just wait a minute."

Hanging out at a park in Temecula, CA. Brady stole his little hat from a Newsie.

Brady Bear does his version of the Robot.

Another pic of the little guy from Coronado.

"Brooklyn, what are you going to do when you grow up?"...

"I am going to kick my daddy in the balls."

Geez...

Then tonight I was telling Brooklyn a bedtime story, but all of the classics escaped me: Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, The Pit and the Pendulum. So I resorted to telling her a magical tale about Super Mario Brothers & Princess Toadstool. As I described the "mean, ugly, self-loathing King Bowser" who had imprisoned the Princess, Brooklyn stopped me.

"Is it you, Daddy? Are you da Bowser?"

What a little hoser. From now on bedtime stories will be confined to readings from the Wall Street Journal.

As Christmas Day approaches...

... I see more and more commercials for video games [ie, World of Warcraft, Call of Duty] and at the end of each advertisement a voiceover says: "Rated M for Mature" despite the target audience being anything but. I think the games should be: "Rated PB for Lives in Parents' Basement".

Here's a pic of our T-giving spread. The food turned out to be pretty tasty, no complaints. The nice thing about not having any friends is that we didn't have to share dinner with anyone. I guess the bad thing about no friends is having to buy your own power tools.




Let's shove something up this Turkey's butt... let's shove some wet bread up its butt...


Before snapping this picture I said, "Brooklyn, say cheese!" She pulled Brittiny's hair up into a top knot and said, "Say pineapple!"

Mom and Braden


The other night Brookers pitched a fit, got timed out for a while in her room. She showed us who's the boss, though, as she defaced her headboard.

These little bouncy seat thingies always make me think of riding my bike over to McDonald's with Kevster to buy a Big Mac.