Saturday, September 16, 2006

Based on a True Story...


#1 - The great news is that Pops has his new liver. The surgery went well, but did last 12 hours, which was longer than expected. Dad is sitting in bed now 4 days removed from the transplantation. He's recovering nicely. Right now I'm just sitting here listening to him snore (imagine semi-trucks hitting their engine breaks down a steep canyon highway).

#2 - I'll post a few new pics of Brooklyn below. She had her 1st Birthday on August 22nd and was cute as can be for the trip out to Utah. But don't take my word for it, just look at the pics below. She's cute beans if you ask me. Wow, an entire year since my wife awoke me from peaceful slumber with "THE BABY'S COMING!!!" Being somewhat familiar with Wifey's "M.O.", I ought have realized that she meant bidness: Brooklyn was born in the hallway about 9 minutes later.

#3 - So what's the deal with Hollywood "reality" movies? You know what I mean, those mini-series or movies that the producer's want you to believe actually happened as portrayed. I remember when I was a kid Kevin Larson and I used to argue about this exact issue all the time. Our favorite discussion centered around Bloodsport, featuring Jean Claude Van Damme as Frank Dux, some euro-trash martial arts expert. In one fight scene Frank's American buddy gets on the receiving end of an open can of whoop-ace. I told Kevster that I thought it convenient that Dux' buddy got wailed on by the same guy that he ends up fighting in the championship. Kev insisted that this obviously was how the fights had actually gone, since at the beginning of the movie the storyline noted that the movie was "Based on a true story."

Well, this small argument that Kevster and I had years ago continued to haunt me throughout my formative years. The issue is: what duty does Hollywood owe those whose lives are affected by the simple tagline: "Based on a true story?" Was Erin Brockovich a hottie? Did Donnie Brasco help dispose of rival mafia members? Was Seabiscuit a horse, or did owner Charles Howard just tape a bunch of cats together? This troubling uncertainty drove me to pay special attention to claims of reality in the otherwise phony world. I ended up making the following diagnosis:

Based on a True Story (BOATS): These words mean that the story is completely made-up. I could sneeze out a green booger resembling the amorphous apparition from Ghostbusters ("Slimer") and amend the screenplay to be BOATS. Such stories represent the upper limit on the exercise of poetic license.

Inspired by Real Life Events (IBRLE): These productions are also not at all reliable, but they're at least better than BOATS above. Just to have an idea, the Exorcist was an IBRLE film. In this film a possessed 12 year old girl levitates, spits up green bile and then votes for Howard Dean as a write-in candidate in '04 presidential election. Very fishy. I took the liberty of calling the book's writer, William Peter Blatty, to confirm the reality of the depicted events. After a lengthy interrogation Bill admitted to me that his book was actually based on a ferocious weiner dog that had terrorized him throughout childhood. Oh, and the levitation bit was taken from a Michael Jackson concert where Bill first witnessed a perfectly executed moonwalk.

A True-Life Story (TLS): Okay, these are the most reliable. For an example, see Hotel Rwanda or Mr. Belvedere. In these shows the director makes an effort to preserve the legitimacy of the storyline. IE, the real Mr. Belvedere actually did wear sweater vests every day and speak with a mild British accent.

Okay, now pics of Baby Brooklyn... enjoy...

Stay off the sidewalks, because that's where Brooklyn is taking her new hoot ride...

Here's Brooklyn opening presents at the Epperson abode. She snuggled all her presents - especially her clothes.

Here is Brooklyn with her first Birthday cake. We had a Birthday cake in Sandy. Brooklyn mostly just ate the chocolate frosting globs off the cake...

Here's Brooklyn with her second cake. The poor girl, after two days of cake, thought that this was her new diet. Sorry Brookers...